Finally Done Wasting My Time...

Hi, my name is Zahra, and I'm a time waster. I waste time on facebook, worrying, obsessing over my next meal, beating myself up for not being more disciplined, reading other people's blogs, etc. After many months, I have decided that I am done wasting my time. My husband, Kevin, has finally persuaded me to create my own blog. See, the problem is, I'm constantly searching, but instead fall short and end up disappointed. As a former fat kid turned health nut, I was always scared that having kids would mean a lifetime of fatness. I was sure that I was going to gain 100 pounds when I got pregnant and never lose it. In 2007, I got pregnant with my first son, Rory and was determined to workout and eat right. I ran untill the day I went into labor and watched what I ate religiously...for the first 36 weeks....then came the cereal cravings, Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.....biscuits....I baked them every day and would eat half the tray before my husband came home from work.....oh and the ice cream. Every week when I went to the midwife, I would write my weight down in a little book...problem was I would weigh myself in the bathroom at the office, lie to the Midwife by 3-4 pounds and then lie in my little book by another 3-4 pounds (CRAZY, I know!) According to my excellent record keeping, I gained a textbook perfect 35lbs....in reality, it was probably closer to 50!!! The day I gave birth, I weighed in at 185lbs, but that was no problem because all the weight was going to just magically melt away from breastfeeding....right?...How about a big FAT wrong.  I came home from the hospital a week after my emergency C-Section at 175.....and didn't lose a single pound for 8 weeks. That's right all those "Oh, I was skinnier after breastfeeding and fit into my jeans at my six week appointment"  ladies.....not me....I was (am) part of the -7% of women who "hold on to the weight to make milk"......However, I am not part of the "Oh, I'll have my whole life to get my body back, whatever's best for the baby" people. Because what's best for my baby is for me to be happy, and the fact was, I was miserable. I wore the same pair of "homeless" pants (as my friend Corinne calls them) for 10 weeks, then graduated back to the maternity jeans. I didn't get it and still don't. I worked out 6 days a week, and logged every morsel that went into my mouth and the scale didn't budge. I was in maternity pants till Rory was 5 months old, then I broke down and bought some fat pants. One day the switch turned on, and my body just started losing the weight. By the time Rory was 8 months old, I was back down to almost pre-pregnancy weight at 140lbs (pre-prego was 135). Fast forward 3 years and one more kid later, here I sit at 155lbs and not budging. And here's where the searching that made way for this blog comes in. I have been on a quest to find the stories of REAL women. So every night, with a baby in my lap, to Google I go. Searching for journeys of real moms with REAL POST PARTUM bodies. I couldn't really find any. Every image and blog I found just made me feel worse about myself. So, here goes nothing. I'm putting it all out there. I'm going to post my pictures, I'm going to be honest about my progress, maybe throw a recipe or two in there somewhere. You can call me crazy(er), you can tell your friends I'm just attention starved, you might even say to yourself, "Ew, why would she do that"...but on the off chance that there's someone out there just like me. Another woman just searching....for answers, ideas, hope, a good laugh, and/or just some one to commiserate with...I'm doing it....I'm putting it all out there. I'm not fishing for compliments, I'm not looking for people to write comments like "oh, but you are beautiful"...or "oh, you look fine"....or "shut up, I would give my right kidney to weigh 155"...that's not what I'm looking for. I just want people to know that it is possible, you can do it, but it takes a lot of work, heartache, and a few bumps in the road. When you are a health/fitness/exercise-aholic like me, it's extra hard when you are not at your ideal weight. I feel like a fraud.....or one of those people who audition for American Idol who swears they can sing only to be ridiculed by the judges.....if there's one thing in this world that I know about it's how to eat right and exercise effectively....now I'm just waiting for my body to figure that out....enjoy!